What Happens When You LIE?

This is a topic I have been thinking about for some time now. I don’t know if my opinion will be the same for others or it is just unique to myself. I suspect that many people do feel the same and perhaps do not or cannot articulate or express just exactly what they are feeling so I will attempt to express my own humble opinion on the subject. This is in no way a proven right or wrong point it is just MY opinion, feelings and thoughts on the subject. If it helps you I am happy. If it does not, throw it away and move on to the next opinion!
I come to every new person/relationship with an open and willing heart and the intention of friendship. I HOPE that all these other people come with the same intent. Unfortunately, there are people who do NOT. They come with an agenda of their own and many times with less than honourable intentions. Sometimes you just don’t recognize this or them right away.
If you decide to build a relationship with me, “keep me” and continue along a path together-no matter how long or short-I expect you to BE who you say you are. I expect TRUTH from you. I DO expect you to be REAL, RAW, VULNERABLE and TRUE in the way that you deal with me.
It is not always easy to trust someone new and it certainly takes a lot of courage sometimes to CHOOSE to do so.
IF you LIE to me you open our relationship to fear, mistrust, doubt and insecurity. It will always be there in the underneath and no matter how hard I try to get back to that place when I trusted you 100% it is no longer possible.
I MAY choose to continue, I may choose to keep trying and I may get to a place of comfort and care again that seems to work well for both of us but the TRUTH is that you have shown me that you don’t trust me to handle the truth or accept you as you are. OR you have shown me clearly that you just don’t CARE enough about me that it matters to be REAL or TRUE with me. Maybe I am just a notch on your belt, maybe I am just a new game, maybe I am a means to an end (whatever that hidden agenda actually is), or maybe I’m just a way to pass the time. Sooner or later I WILL recognize the TRUTH and do whatever happens to be the best thing for ME at that point including and most especially LEAVING you behind. Yes, the TRUTH can hurt…but it can also be LIBERATING!
What happens when you LIE is that you HURT a person who put their trust in you. You do NOT get to laugh and say “haha got you” because in fact, you have shown YOUR weakness to them…

    NOT

their weakness and stupidity for believing in YOU!
It is NOT wrong or stupid or weak for a person to bring LOVE, TRUTH and OPENNESS and TRUST to a relationship. It is EVERYTHING!
So if YOU are so weak that you cannot HONOUR them and their willingness to give then YOU have shown the world your TRUTH and it is less than stellar! SO all of you who are willing to love and get damaged and hurt and used and abused by all the liars and takers in the world…REMEMBER who and what you are and KNOW that it is NOT you it is THEM who are faulty!!
THEREFORE, I CHOOSE every day to try and to forgive and to work through the issues at hand for the future and for the relationship that is usually more good than bad UNTIL it becomes more bad than good. In that case it has become toxic for me and it is then time to walk away and preserve my own self and sanity.
A LIE is the biggest and worst thing you can do to destroy us because if you don’t have TRUST then you have nothing at all.

I want to LOVE you inside of a relationship where it is healthy and safe to do so but I WILL not allow you to use or abuse me or belittle the gift of my trust. I deserve better.
EVERYONE deserves better!

TRY to be REAL and TRUE to yourself and everyone else that you deal with because honesty and integrity are irreplaceable things.

Breaking Question of the Day~10/25/2011

My best friend and this guy have been dating for a while…all has been fine until recently when he did not call for close to a month…as much as she tried to get through to him she couldn’t…a few days after one month, he called to tell her that something he could not tell her came up and he had to go and pray on the mountain top…but under pressure he told her that it has to do with his ex trying to stage a come back and both families are now involved in the talks…she is devastated because she loves him…confused because she knows not what to do…another thing is they live hundreds of miles away from each other…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…What do I tell her as I am so worried??? Worried friend


(Q from: 10/25/2011)

MY response:

You can tell her what you believe is the truth or you can tell her whatever she wants to hear until she’s ready for the truth herself. Being someone’s best friend frequently means BOTH things. You have to know whether it is time for the truth or time to just let her be because we ALL have a journey and surviving these kinds of things are often a part of them. There will be hurt and disappointment in life and sometimes the person who makes all the difference is the one who stands with you through it, listens to it, commiserates with you, and sometimes even has the strength and is unafraid to tell you the truth of it…your BEST friend. There are times when they don’t want to hear. Do you know what drives me crazy about some of my friends? They think they can tell me anything…good or bad…no matter how I feel about it because its the truth as THEY see it but, if I tell them truth as I see it…we’ll fight because they don’t want to know! Perhaps its because I am sometimes insightful and see deeper truths than they are aware of or want to know…or I draw their attention to something they really wish to stay delusional about…I don’t know why but, its always seemed unfair to me….but, I think the thing is that you learn the ground of your friend by sharing things with them and before too long you will KNOW how much is ok to say and how far is too far to go. Its unhealthy for her to cling to him if he’s GONE. But, it will be a grieving process for her as well so its important that you just let her go through it and be patient about it. Sometimes we don’t tell a friend the truth because we’re afraid of their reaction or that because they WANT to deny it they won’t hear it from us but, when you really love them you have to face the fear and TELL them.
It is better for them and YOU in the long run.
I think that what previous responses have stated is true. He’s gone, he’s back with his ex and he’s not really concerned at the moment with where or even if she fits in his life. You can carry through with the implications of all that or not but, she SHOULD move on. Nobody wants to be attached and in love with someone who is attached to someone else but, if they(he and his ex) CAN work it out they should…especially if there were children involved with it. So she may not be happy about it but, she’ll have to stand aside and let it be.
YOU will just have to be strong and brave the pain WITH her.


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