What Happens When You LIE?

This is a topic I have been thinking about for some time now. I don’t know if my opinion will be the same for others or it is just unique to myself. I suspect that many people do feel the same and perhaps do not or cannot articulate or express just exactly what they are feeling so I will attempt to express my own humble opinion on the subject. This is in no way a proven right or wrong point it is just MY opinion, feelings and thoughts on the subject. If it helps you I am happy. If it does not, throw it away and move on to the next opinion!
I come to every new person/relationship with an open and willing heart and the intention of friendship. I HOPE that all these other people come with the same intent. Unfortunately, there are people who do NOT. They come with an agenda of their own and many times with less than honourable intentions. Sometimes you just don’t recognize this or them right away.
If you decide to build a relationship with me, “keep me” and continue along a path together-no matter how long or short-I expect you to BE who you say you are. I expect TRUTH from you. I DO expect you to be REAL, RAW, VULNERABLE and TRUE in the way that you deal with me.
It is not always easy to trust someone new and it certainly takes a lot of courage sometimes to CHOOSE to do so.
IF you LIE to me you open our relationship to fear, mistrust, doubt and insecurity. It will always be there in the underneath and no matter how hard I try to get back to that place when I trusted you 100% it is no longer possible.
I MAY choose to continue, I may choose to keep trying and I may get to a place of comfort and care again that seems to work well for both of us but the TRUTH is that you have shown me that you don’t trust me to handle the truth or accept you as you are. OR you have shown me clearly that you just don’t CARE enough about me that it matters to be REAL or TRUE with me. Maybe I am just a notch on your belt, maybe I am just a new game, maybe I am a means to an end (whatever that hidden agenda actually is), or maybe I’m just a way to pass the time. Sooner or later I WILL recognize the TRUTH and do whatever happens to be the best thing for ME at that point including and most especially LEAVING you behind. Yes, the TRUTH can hurt…but it can also be LIBERATING!
What happens when you LIE is that you HURT a person who put their trust in you. You do NOT get to laugh and say “haha got you” because in fact, you have shown YOUR weakness to them…

    NOT

their weakness and stupidity for believing in YOU!
It is NOT wrong or stupid or weak for a person to bring LOVE, TRUTH and OPENNESS and TRUST to a relationship. It is EVERYTHING!
So if YOU are so weak that you cannot HONOUR them and their willingness to give then YOU have shown the world your TRUTH and it is less than stellar! SO all of you who are willing to love and get damaged and hurt and used and abused by all the liars and takers in the world…REMEMBER who and what you are and KNOW that it is NOT you it is THEM who are faulty!!
THEREFORE, I CHOOSE every day to try and to forgive and to work through the issues at hand for the future and for the relationship that is usually more good than bad UNTIL it becomes more bad than good. In that case it has become toxic for me and it is then time to walk away and preserve my own self and sanity.
A LIE is the biggest and worst thing you can do to destroy us because if you don’t have TRUST then you have nothing at all.

I want to LOVE you inside of a relationship where it is healthy and safe to do so but I WILL not allow you to use or abuse me or belittle the gift of my trust. I deserve better.
EVERYONE deserves better!

TRY to be REAL and TRUE to yourself and everyone else that you deal with because honesty and integrity are irreplaceable things.

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Breaking Question of the Day~02/04/2011

Someone once said, “men lie because women cannot handle the truth”…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…Why do men lie and is lt only restricted to men??


I find that I’m writing my answer in a blog post because I think I’m going to have too much to say for a wee little blog comment.
MY answer is that lying is NOT exclusive only to MEN and women could equally say “women lie because men can’t handle the truth”. I think anyone in a long-term relationship must know there are times when both men and women fear telling the truth and so they lie to stay out of trouble, or to save face, or to save their partners feelings.
However, I’m going to answer from my own life experience why MEN lie because I’ve learned a few things about this.

#1. MEN will say and do whatever it takes to get what they want (this is usually sex related) and they may actually be sorry later if they hurt you but, in the moment are more concerned with the chase and the hunt.  Men ARE great hunters!

#2. MEN will lie to stay out of trouble.  Even if it is a silly reason they will rather lie and hope you don’t find out (not realizing we will ALWAYS find out) than tell the truth and take what’s coming to them. They don’t like fighting with you or getting yelled at especially for something they feel they should be allowed to be doing anyway.

#3. MEN will lie to get what they want. If they are the breed of man known as con-man then they are trying to get whatever they are trying to get and it is a GAME. They don’t care if they hurt you. In fact, sometimes this breed of man will think it’s funny if he can hurt you.  It is ALL a game to him. Designed to get him to the great pay off in the end by ANY means necessary.

#4. MEN will lie to cover up the truth because they think the truth will hurt too much.  For example…he has fallen in love with someone else but he is a husband and a father and does care about these responsibilities and so he tries to have the best of both world’s…the family life with you and the fun times with his girlfriend so that he doesn’t hurt you or his children but he still gets to feel loved and needed and wanted.  What he doesn’t see is that being false to both you and himself hurts everybody in the end and is really selfish and unfair.

#5. MEN will lie because they love you. They will tell you everything is fine and shoulder a heavy load because you’ve asked them to BE the ROCK and they think it means they have to  take care of all the bad stuff by themselves. Sometimes this will be about money trouble, sometimes it will be about work issues which also means money trouble, sometimes this may be about trouble that your children have gotten into and they lie to spare you the pain and stress.

#6. MEN will lie to make themselves look good because they care very much that you appreciate them and inside themselves don’t really think they are good enough for you as they are.

#7. MEN will lie to you so they can get out of the house, out of your sight, and into whatever naughty thing they think might be some fun for today but this is usually because they don’t know how to tell you that they want a little bit of space without hurting you so it’s easier to make up some other reason why they need to go out. It doesn’t always mean they want to do BAD things but, rather chill with their friends and do all those insane things “boys” like to do. Deep down even the manliest man is still just a boy in his heart!

#8. MEN will lie just because they don’t want you to be right.
It’s sort of like the thing about asking for directions. If he thinks you being right makes him look stupid or unreasonable he might lie to keep that from happening.

#9. MEN lie to to keep secrets. Maybe they are not his secrets. Maybe they are his best friends secrets. His loyalty is to his friend in that case and he will lie if he has to in order to keep that secret and loyalty sacred.

#10. MEN lie out of desperation. They don’t know what else to do. Sometimes telling the truth is hard. Maybe the hardest thing ever to do. If telling the truth means they will lose something or have to give up then they may lie until they die.

I HATE lies. Aside from the ones like fat men in red suits and yes your hair looks lovely, I don’t lie. I can’t even try because people can see it all over my face.  So aside from these things I understand from having been lied to before,  I DON’T understand why anyone first WOULD lie but, second, would continue a lie that so obviously HURTS someone else.

MEN and WOMEN both do that!
It’s no wonder we have a hard time trusting each other