My friend has been dating this guy for sometime…since they started, I made it known to her I don’t like him for reasons I could not point out myself…but I was proved right a couple of months later…each time there is a misunderstanding, he beats her silly…if he sees her talking to a guy, she is in trouble…he says he is trying to protect her and so, she is now a shadow of herself…the last one was when he went to her house and met her with her cousin…right there and then, he started beating her and calling her name to the point her cousin could not take it anymore and he had to interfere…now, she is going back to beg him like she use to…BREAKING QUESTIONS OF THE DAY…Is this love…does beating a lady you claim you love at the the slightest provocation and assumption connotes love and protection???
This is not the first time we’ve discussed this question so if you go back through you will see many responses to similar ones from me but this one brought up some emotion and thoughts that I needed to share….
LOVE does not come from fists and aggression.
This is NOT how a man shows you affection,concern, protection or anything else.
NOBODY else can rescue you. NOBODY else can save you.
Not from HIM and not from YOURSELF.
YOU. MUST. CHOOSE.
You must choose to live.
You MUST choose to respect yourself enough that you won’t stand for his treatment of you.
You MUST choose to leave the situation and be your own rescuer NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM, NO MATTER HOW AFRAID OF BEING ALONE YOU ARE.
You MUST choose LOVE.
You have to learn to see yourself RIGHT.
You have to KNOW that you are worth more than to be some idiot guy’s scapegoat and punching bag.
It isn’t LOVE. It is FEAR and CONTROL.
He squashes you down so you won’t see and know that you deserve MORE and BETTER.
This isn’t about HIM.
This is about YOU.
Who is she deep inside you that believes LOVE is a punch in the face?
Who is she that accepts a telephone cord wrapped around her neck?
Who is she that BELIEVES it was something she did or said that set him off and it’s her own FAULT for the abuse?
Who is she that BELIEVES this treatment IS an indication of how much he loves you?
It is NOT a fault. It is NOT to blame but you need to see that you ALLOW this to continue.
Stay or go…LIVE or DIE…which of these choices is REALLY so scary?
BE brave. BE strong. Choose to LOVE yourself and find a better path.
This one will lead NOWHERE good.
Who is she that LOSES herself just to keep a man happy?
Who is she that is willing to kneel at his feet and grovel and beg…for what…for a life of fear and loathing? To walk on eggshells every day in fear of the next wrong word or action that leads to more abuse?
WHAT holds her there?
I was AFRAID. I BELIEVED the things he said.
It was FALSE.
I don’t CARE what anyone else thinks of me (and I admit that took a long time) but, I am MANY wonderful things and NOTHING anyone else says or thinks about me makes that untrue.
I deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and love.
SO. DO. YOU.
No matter what anyone else has ever said in the negative or in the wrong.
God did NOT create you to be the butt of a joke, to be a punching bag, or to be a floor mat. HE created you with grace and beauty, intelligence, gifts and abilities so you can SHINE and be a living, breathing example of LOVE, JOY, and BEAUTY….in all the ways that is possible.
The problem is inside of YOU.
YOU have to wake up and see this.
It doesn’t matter what ANYONE else says whether it is positive or negative…they cannot force you to choose. They cannot choose for you. They cannot LIVE for you.
YOU. MUST. CHOOSE.
I know that it is hard sometimes to climb out of the hole you have dug yourself into. It is hard to push away and ignore all the mean, negative, hurtful things that you believe about yourself because of others opinions.
YOU are the one who matters.
YOU do NOT need a man to complete you.
You DEFINITELY do NOT need one who disregards and disrespects you.
YOU have to respect yourself.
You have to STAND UP and say NO. EVEN to the risk of your own life…what is a life without self-respect and love?
I can’t find the right words. I can’t find the right words. 😦
I KNOW how hard it is to do this. I know how hard it is to face being alone and walk away from a bad situation.
I know how terrifying it is to believe that you are always going to be alone and that everything he’s told you is really true.
YES. Each and every one of us has flaws and imperfections and we are our own worst critics who never forgive ourselves for whatever they are but, it is such BULLSHIT!
EVERY human being on this planet deserves to be loved, appreciated, respected, treated with dignity and even more be cherished, adored and revered…but these things have to come FIRST from inside YOU and you have to learn that YOU. ARE. WORTHY. of them.
There is NOTHING in life that cannot be forgiven or overcome.
There are ALWAYS going to be people who judge you but if you can learn to accept and love yourself throughout all the mistakes and lessons you go through it won’t matter!
There is a quote I see sometimes:
“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz
Whenever I read it I shiver.
I cannot see my own light.
You cannot see yours.
But, we CAN…KNOW that it IS, that we ARE, that it is REAL and we can choose to let it SHINE.
OTHER people can see it.
YES. There will always be others who judge you and belittle you and try to manipulate, control and guilt you throughout life…but, there are also those who spend every moment they are part of your life trying to help you see and understand “the astonishing light of your own being”.
OPEN your eyes to yourself.
OPEN your eyes to the TRUTH.
It is the only thing that ever matters in this life.
I honestly and truly say this with LOVE.
I don’t know you…but I KNOW you.
I HOPE that you HEAR me…but even more I HOPE that you can FEEL all the love and emotion I have inside me and it makes you THINK.
Choose love, choose life, CHOOSE, YOU!