Breaking Question of the Day~07/30/2012

He kicked his wife and their four daughters out of the house because of her inability to bear him a male child and brought in a woman who has a male child for him…two years later, another man came and claimed the boy is his son…after taking a paternal test, the result showed the man was telling the truth…but she already had a daughter for him…he kicked the woman and her son out and is now pleading that his first wife and daughters who has been living with her parent come back home…BREAKING QUESTIONS OF THE DAY…Will you advice that she goes back to him…what will you do if you were her???


A couple of interesting articles:

Who determines the sex of the baby.

What determines the gender of a baby.

Basically, mom contributes an x(girl) chromosome and dad contributes an x(girl) OR y(boy). The y(boy) swimmers are weak and don’t survive long and the x(girl) swimmers are strong and survive longer. SO…it really can be dad who determines whether he has daughters or sons. There ARE things that can be done to try to manipulate the end result but generally there are MANY contributing factors that come from BOTH mom and dad and it all amounts to the treasures and gifts and opportunities God saw fit to deliver specifically to YOU. (That is how I see it.)

I think…rather, I BELIEVE that a father who is blessed with daughters and MANY of them is a man who has been given an opportunity to raise STRONG, INTELLIGENT, CAPABLE, and INDEPENDENT daughters WITHOUT all the inferiority complexes of being “less than” their brothers. A man who embraces the challenge and does NOT cause his girls to feel inferior because of their gender can give the entire world a precious GIFT!

I think of my father a lot. He was NOT a perfect father. Which of them ever are?

He and I had a difficult relationship sometimes. We fought a lot. I think mainly because I was so much like him. My mother loves to label me and say I am JUST like my father but the truth is more that I am an equal combination of both of them and many of their good qualities but also some I wish not to have!

He asked me once if I thought he was a good father. By then I knew enough to know that he wasn’t perfect but he was MINE and everything he had done, said and chosen was because he LOVED me. ADORED me really. So I told him I was happy with him and had no complaints.

When I take the time to understand it on the deeper levels and hidden aspects I can see that I was his one and only child. His one and only daughter. (My brother was adopted and YES, absolutely loved and cherished too….but, not of his flesh and blood.) I can see that he may have wanted a son but it wasn’t the gift God chose to give him so he chose to embrace the one he was given. He didn’t always understand me and yet…he always got me. Better than any other person on the planet, even my mother. Sometimes I couldn’t figure out why but, somewhere along the journey I learned to understand that for a dad…the sun rises and sets on his daughter. NO MATTER what she does…good, bad, indifferent and he got me because we WERE very alike but also just because he chose to understand.

There were pivotal points in our relationship when I knew, KNEW that he just loved and accepted ME for ME. It wasn’t always like that. He had his own ideas of how things should be, of how I should be and he tried hard at first to get me to fit in that mold but I didn’t and couldn’t. I could only be ME. So along our journey I think we both learned things and THAT is the POINT!

He was business minded and mathematical. Sometimes controlling, maybe exacting because he expected things to be done properly and RIGHT. He never apologized. He was always right. Even when he was wrong. (I’m pretty sure now that all that came from grandpa-his father.) He wanted me to do something with math or business but, I MUST say that he NEVER said I couldn’t do something because I was a girl. His only prerequisite was that I chose by using the brain God gave me and that I made sure I didn’t settle for less than I could push myself to handle. For example, I sucked at science but he’d not accept me taking less than the highest level of education because he knew I was smart and could apply myself and could handle it. Also I wanted to take auto mechanics to learn about cars but he didn’t want me to have a lower level credit on my grades because I was supposed to get into a good college so I had to commit to taking a different tech course instead, which came with advanced credits and I learned to work in the metal shop.  (Boys seriously freak out when there is a capable, intelligent girl in the room! lol but they also wanna steal your theory homework-cause they don’t DO written homework!) Anyway, I did learn things from these choices but my father along the way also learned about ME.

I am CREATIVE. I am EMOTIONAL. I write. I write poetry. I write emotion driven letters that express things he could never say. Sometimes parents SNOOP and he read one or two of some I’d written and then began to understand the depths of me.

Wanting to be a lawyer or a journalist he could understand.

Wanting to be an artist or an animator or a writer maybe not so much.

By the end, I remember that he made it very clear. I don’t care what you do as long as it makes you happy. IF you want to WRITE, then DO that. IF you want to DRAW, then DO that. Just do it to the very best of your ability and don’t waste the brain you’ve been given.

Sometimes I think I’ve probably seriously disappointed him but then again I realize…he’d forgive me and love me anyway. He already showed me that, time and time again.

HONESTLY,there is NOTHING better in this world than a father who understands WHO his daughter is and gives her permission to lift her wings and fly even if it isn’t something he wanted for her or understands himself.

Sometimes his job IS to be the wind beneath her wings so that she CAN fly.

He was THAT kind of dad and because he was I can accept and forget any of the flaws he had too.

SO…father’s who DON’T cherish,appreciate and embrace their children in all their beauties and imperfections and REGARDLESS of their gender seriously make me wanna smack them HARD.

My ex was one of those. His children were trophies or “show pieces” that proved he was a MAN.

 

I’m very sorry but being a sperm donor doesn’t make you a MAN.

Nor does throwing your children out because they are girls instead of boys.

SO to answer the question, if he was so ungrateful for the children (READ gifts, MIRACLES, TREASURES) that God saw fit to give him for whatever reason or life lesson he was meant to learn from it and he chose to walk away from it then he should suffer the consequences of his choice.

An ex is an ex for a REASON. Whether he left you or you left him is irrelevant. Life moves FORWARD, not backwards so I would NEVER advise anyone to return to a place that has created mental, emotional, verbal or physical hurts of any kind.

PERHAPS, he can EARN some kind of relationship with his children but I would suggest that he has to WORK hard for it and it should be up to THEM to decide because they are the ones who can decide how they feel about it.

I would NOT take him back but here is the thing. It is only YOUR choice to make.

Nobody else on this earth can answer for you whether you have enough love in your heart to forgive and try again or whether it has died its last death and there is NO possibility of rebuilding anything.

Whether we say yeah or nay it still falls to YOU to know or understand your own heart and feelings and what you can or cannot do in response.

I say NAY because I have a hard time trusting, re-trusting and forgiving and forgetting. I hold hurt inside me, close and deep and I have a hard time letting go of it.

It’s perhaps one of my flaws and really not a good thing…but that’s just me…at least I am aware of it. Maybe someday I will be better at that.

I would like to believe that LOVE is the answer and can solve EVERYTHING…but what I know from experience is that ONE person cannot love enough for two. It MUST be reciprocated. What he did showed a serious lack of love and attachment and a great deal of selfishness.

You can try again but probably it will just be a cycle that repeats again and again. That is what happens when people don’t become aware of and/or address the flaws and imperfections within themselves and their reasons. You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.

Maybe he IS really sorry. Maybe he really wasn’t aware of how selfish and unfair he was being.

Maybe it is worth another chance.

ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THAT.

NOT for him or for the children or for family or friends or society at large.

ONLY for YOU.

I hope you find the right answer for yourself. Answers never really are as simple as we would like and yet sometimes they also can be just that. SIMPLE. Yes or no.

All I know is the right answer should bring you peace inside yourself and THAT is what I wish for you. Hope it works out for the best. xo

 

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