The past three years has been days of torments and nights of abuses…yet, they say she should be praying he will change he will insults and beats her up at the slightest provocation…yet they say she should endure…even her family said she should be patient that he would change…recently, he beats her to the point of comma and she was rushed to the hospital where she came back to life after two days and they are still telling her to keep praying he will change…BREAKING QUESTIONS OF THE DAY…Should she keep praying until he knocks her dead…is there no other way out…is it her fate to stay and die in a violent marriage???
This question makes me ANGRY and breaks my heart equally.
HE. WILL. NOT. CHANGE…EVER!
A grown man who would treat his wife like that came to this place with DEEP and BROKEN hurts inside him.
Instead of facing his demons and finding healing he chooses to share the misery and inflict as much or more pain as he feels.
No one can touch those deep places unless HE is aware and ready to be touched and changed.
That requires introspection, realization, acceptance, forgiveness and moving forward with different choices and better solutions to your problems.
Men that react with anger and their fists aren’t capable of choosing a different path.
It takes a LOT of time, effort, work, counselling, patience and strength to face your own faults and failings and then try to CHANGE yourself.
We very rarely make that much effort. ANYONE.
BECAUSE it is HARD work. Especially when it means you have to face all the things in your past that have made you who you are and brought you to this day.
You know, it took me a long time to understand and realize (with my ex) that it is about POWER and nothing else.
When he hits you he feels POWERFUL because he causes fear in you. He WANTS to see that face. The face of terror on you gets him off. It fills some need inside him.
DON’T even bother trying to understand it because you can’t.
It is NOT sensible. It is NOT rational. It is BASE and ANIMAL and instead of trying to rise above it and be humane and loving he EMBRACES it and WANTS more of it.
To him it is the BEST part of him.
It also took me a long time to figure out that when he hurt me during sex he LIKED it. He WANTED to hurt me. That also filled some need I don’t understand but basically comes down to POWER again.
This is NOT a MAN.
It is definitely NOT one you want to stay with.
It took me a long time after to want to believe in or trust a man again but you will. You have to LEARN to recognize the difference. You have to SEE a TRUE man. There are MANY of them in the world…the trick is always NOT to settle for someone who ISN’T the one just so you won’t have to be alone. WAIT for a good one.
YOU are everything you need to survive in this life.
YOU don’t NEED a man. Lord knows we ALL want them but the point of life is to find the place inside YOURSELF where you recognize and just KNOW that you are capable of doing whatever needs to be done to take care of yourself.
YOU CAN DO IT! YES! You CAN!
NOW comes the time when I will be harsh because I just can’t BELIEVE what I’m hearing…PRAY and he’ll change? Your parents are idiots! (I’m sorry for that because I feel mean for saying it but HELLO? The man has almost killed you once already…maybe even more than once…WHO tells their child to go back into HELL and pray so living there will be easier?)
THIS is the time. NOW is the time. WALK AWAY.
If your parents don’t want to help you or support you then walk away from them too.
SHOW everyone how strong and capable and beautiful you ARE!
YOU CAN DO IT!
It boils down to the answer to ONE question and only you can answer it. Maybe you will have to look deep inside…under the pain, under the frustration, underneath everything you are feeling but it is the only answer that matters.
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
There are many ways in life to be dead. Not just physically (which I am TELLING you…that is coming for you if you stay) but also emotionally and mentally and spiritually.
SURVIVING, ENDURING, GETTING BY…ok…but none of those are really LIVING.
Where is the joy in that? Where is the beauty and the accomplishment and knowing that YOU are valuable and important too?
You exist to be his punching bag. The whole world revolves around him.
Don’t do that. Don’t do this. Don’t say that. Don’t say this. Don’t talk to that person or this one. As a matter of fact don’t even LOOK at them (especially if they are other men). Don’t wear that. Make sure when we go out together you make ME look good. Make sure you say ONLY what you are supposed to say. AND hundreds of other controls just like that.
YOU don’t live for YOU, you live for HIM.
He beat you into a coma…does it sound like he deserves so much reverence and respect from you? HE has none. HE gives none. He DESERVES none.
WALK AWAY. As a matter of fact…RUN! As fast as the wind…and don’t EVER look back.
This is NOT love.
I’m sure that on good days he can be sweet and charming and SEEM to love you and care about you but truly he DOESN’T.
A MAN who loves you does NOT hit. Does NOT insult you. Does NOT curse you out. Even in the middle of a fight (which we all do) he has enough respect for YOU and HIMSELF not to say mean and nasty things you both will regret. MEN fight fair.
I KNOW because I am married to one. We’ve been together 16 years this summer and in all that time (even the worst fights) he’s NEVER called me a nasty name or cursed at me or EVER raised his hand to me. He would NOT. He has respect for both himself and me.
THAT is a MAN. A good one.
SOMEDAY I believe you will find one but FIRST you have to LOVE and RESPECT yourself and KNOW that this one you are married to is the very WRONG kind.
Get free of him. Choose to LIVE.
The other alternative will rob MANY people of your spirit and essence and beauty and talents and gifts…all of which GOD gave to you to share with others.
Previously my friend sent a link to this site and since it is relevant to the topic I’d like to share it: http://www.ogorip.com/my-story.html
I wish you well. xo