Breaking Question of the Day~2/29/2012

She was in a marriage that has all but lacking in happiness, understanding and progress…she is now divorced by mutual consent…she said her life is now better than ever as a single mum of two lovely children in her custody…she claims she is more focused and accomplished in all she does after the divorce…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…Is it right that a woman/man live alone??? Explain please

EVERYONE should live alone for a period of time in their life. It is very important for the heart, mind, and soul to do things that build your own self sufficiency, self esteem and sense and understanding of your own abilities and capabilities in life.

YES, it is better to share a life with someone but it is terribly sad to get married and move in with someone right out of high school and then proceed to build your life around them without even knowing who you are first.

You may get lucky and actually marry someone who loves you and is capable of flowing WITH all the changes that come and go and all the ebbs and flows of a marriage but more than likely you will “fall in love” and jump into a relationship and then a marriage that won’t be equal and one or the other of you will have to SACRIFICE, COMPROMISE and settle for less than you imagined you would have  or something far different than you imagined it could be.

For this reason I believe a person SHOULD live alone for a time and take their time choosing a partner so as to make the best possible choice in the first place.

HOWEVER, if a person finds themselves in a loveless marriage and divorce does seem to be the only way to correct the imbalance in their world then I suggest they follow their heart and choose their path.

IF you are a godly person it can be a VERY hard decision to make. You may agonize over it. You may guilt yourself (much more than any friends, family or even strangers can possibly guilt you). You may feel many emotions throughout and many of them not good at all. In the end you will decide one way or the other but YOU are the person who has to live with you so my suggestion is that you make a decision that YOUR heart feels good about. Make a decision that allows your spinning mind…to REST. Make a decision that fills your soul with PEACE. THIS is how you know that you have followed your OWN path and taken YOUR journey and not someone else’s. Someone else somewhere will always be willing to judge you and sometimes you will also judge yourself but I honestly believe that if you make a decision that leads you to feeling inner peace and contentment then it is most likely the right one. No matter what anyone else says.

If you made it through all that to get to the other side of  it and are now DIVORCED (God forbid) and feeling happier, more focused, clearer of mind and purpose and content in your heart and soul then I’m very sorry to say this but, you were with the WRONG person to begin with. You are feeling lightness of being and freedom because you were following a path that was EXPECTED of you or that society dictates is appropriate or “right” but it wasn’t filling YOUR needs and dreams and desires of life.

Nobody else can know that. We EACH have to choose based on our own belief systems and understanding of life and love and GOD and His rules. That is NOT between HIM and them and YOU. That is between HIM and YOU and your heart and soul is what tells you whether you are on the right path or NOT.

We always spend so much time listening to what everyone else suggests is the right way to go and the right way to be that we often lose ourselves in the process. Often this leads us to make decisions and follow paths that were never really right for us because we didn’t trust ourselves to know what we really needed after all. YOU know. We are each born knowing. For whatever reason we spend a life either building ourselves up strong enough to NEVER let others make our decisions for us OR always asking for someone else’s opinions, reasons, understandings, validations and we wonder why we always feel so lost and confused!!

How can we build a life with someone else. How can we offer love, adoration, affection, comfort, companionship or anything else when we don’t even know how to offer these things to ourselves FIRST? We MUST know ourselves well enough that we acknowledge and understand that we are fallible and imperfect but also wonderful and lovable and capable and blessed BEFORE we can give all of that to others.

The person you are with should be equally loving, respectful, supportive, encouraging, accepting, understanding, compassionate and bring out the best in you. If they don’t then you aren’t in the right place.

YOU have to be able to be all of those things to yourself FIRST in order to know how to give all of that to them as well but also to recognize when you are selling yourself short or settling for less.  The way to do this is to spend some time ALONE looking for YOURSELF. You will only become stronger and more capable by facing yourself and learning to take care of YOU first before you try to build a relationship with another person. Sadly people don’t usually take the time to do this…for many reasons…and it usually leads to a one-sided relationship whereby they GIVE everything to it and have no idea what their own needs are OR they TAKE everything they want out of it and have no idea how to put it all back in. When things change (as they usually do) everything falls apart because the couple realizes they were never really on the same page or path at all.

God created us in HIS image and we are beautiful. We are born knowing right from wrong. When you do something that isn’t right you feel it deep inside you and can’t feel good again until it’s been corrected. What do you think that means? EVERY single one of us is on a journey to learn how to LOVE. How to GIVE to ourselves and to others…NOT take! We are born knowing how to do this. Somewhere along the way we are TAUGHT a rule set and raised up to FOLLOW it at all costs. I think sometimes the cost is too high.



It’s easy.

Don’t judge others.

Follow your heart and soul.

How much simpler could it be?

Take the time to know yourself. Take the time to get right inside yourself FIRST before you marry and commit your whole life to someone you are NOT even sure is the right person for you based on the advice of society, friendships, family or anyone else.

Even then there is no guarantee that you will not marry, have a decade of wonderful and then come to some impasse for unknown reasons and then go separate ways.

Life is short and time is precious. Don’t waste it. Find yourself FIRST and follow your own heart. Everything else falls into place as it should. Everything happens for a reason and most of the bad experiences are meant to teach us something.

DIVORCE is ugly, hurtful and unfair, YES.

It is NOT the end of the world.

Being a single mother isn’t either.

I truly believe it is better to be divorced and love children unconditionally separately than stay together and teach your children that to live in misery for eternity is normal and right.

Is that really what you would want for them? Or wouldn’t you rather that they be happy? Granted some of us really have no idea what it is that makes us happy but that really is the point of living alone isn’t it?

Finding happy inside YOURSELF so that no matter what comes in life you will still be able to find it anyways!

Other people may come and go in life. Many times.

YOU are stuck with YOU…FOREVER. Doesn’t it make sense to take some time to find out who you ARE inside and what you believe in or don’t BEFORE you try to bring someone else into the picture who may or may not be just as aware of themselves or maybe even more so?

So the short answer is: YES absolutely men and women BOTH should spend some time living alone and finding out who they are before they spend a life with someone else.



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