Breaking Question of the Day~11/18/2011

My husband and I have been married for sometime…but I feel my responsibility as a wife has been hijacked by him leaving me crippled…each time I collect my salary, I have to not only declare but hand it over to him…he will now disburse it sometimes leaving me with nothing after my transport fare and money to buy food at work…if I buy anything for our kids or myself or for any reason use out of the money for anything, there will be no peace in the house…he is also working and making good money…sad enough, I don’t know exactly howmuch he us making and how he spends his money…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…Is this right, is this marriage or slavery???

(Q from: 11/18/2011)

MY response:

It is NOT right. As I have said before a marriage is an equal partnership OR should be! I might not agree it is outright slavery but it IS definitely a control issue. Sometimes I think men take their job as man and head of the house, main provider and breadwinner far too seriously so that they have a hard time relinquishing any control to the wife and/or even recognizing this issue. MANY of them can be redirected if you COMMUNICATE what you need. However, there are also MANY of the other kind. They control because they do NOT recognize or acknowledge any kind of equality with women. They do NOT respect, they do NOT accept. They see their wife as just part and parcel of all that they OWN. So…I guess if you feel your husband is doing this it certainly CAN begin to feel like slavery and that you are meant to do JUST as you are told…not afforded any right to choose for yourself. It is NOT respectful. He isn’t trusting or allowing you the space required to prove that you ARE equally committed, that you ARE capable of making equally acceptable decisions, that you ARE trustworthy and that YOU can be responsible for yourself and your children without his supervision. STAND UP! For yourself most of all but, also because if you don’t your children will someday grow up to repeat this very behaviour. They will grow up thinking DAD controls the money AND mom and if you have a daughter she will find a man like this to marry…if you have a son…he will grow up either to be the very same kind of man OR the exact opposite because he HATES watching what his dad does to you. TEACH your children that a woman is STRONG, PROUD, CAPABLE, ABLE, VIBRANT and FIGHTS both for herself and for them! DO NOT be AFRAID to speak your mind and heart and express EXACTLY what it is that you need. DO NOT be afraid to EXPECT him to give to YOU equally. Not all men know or recognize that what they REALLY want is a woman who can stand toe to toe and EXPECT them to BE a man and not a selfish BOY! You don’t have to be aggressive or nasty to be assertive about what you need and you don’t have to be afraid. You only need to KNOW that it is right and IS what you NEED and you have every right to express it and to have it. IF he can’t be reasonable don’t accept that. Sometimes there are times in your life when you have to DECIDE and then DON’T ever back down until you GET what you want!! Good luck with it!

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