Breaking Question of the Day~11/14/2011

My elder sister is a very successful business woman (self made by the grace of GOD) but of late, she keeps complaining that she is broke and when I paid her a visit at her shop, it is almost empty…her story is that her husband borrowed most of her business money to finance his already successful business with promises of paying her back only to use the money made to reinvest in his business…he has her online account details and knows when money comes in…infact, he transfers it into his own account before telling her…he says he is doing it for the family…she said it is love but it is obvious it is killing her business and affecting her too…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…Is it right that a man should rundown his wife’s business to finance his own…is this really love???

(Q from: 11/14/2011)

MY responses:

I answer…OH MY GOD!! Is it right for a vampire to suck your blood and bleed you dry? For the good of WHAT? HIMSELF!! Selfish. Jealous? Another power trip. Taking for his own gain under the guise of LOVE? That is so FALSE!! LOVE is NOT about TAKING in SECRET behind someone’s back without their knowledge. Then to LIE outright and say it’s for love and family? PLEASE…there is nothing but a man on a power trip behind that. What is his TRUTH? Do you know? Do you have any idea whatsoever? You SHOULD. If you are his WIFE you should know EVERYTHING. There should be no SECRETS. If HE knows all your accounts and can take your money any time he wants then YOU should be able to do EXACTLY the same. EQUALITY in a marriage is a two way street. Is he LORD and MASTER? Or are you MAN and WIFE? YOU need to stand up for yourself and your life and shake that man’s world down to the very ground. HE will NEVER value you properly of you don’t FIRST value YOURSELF! MAYBE, because you allow it to continue he really is quite clueless about how SERIOUSLY it affects you and if you COMMUNICATE things can be fixed, worked on, changed. That will only happen if you OPEN your HEART, MIND, SOUL and MOUTH and COMMUNICATE your needs! YOU deserve to be the boss of your own hard work. YOU deserve to make the decisions about what is done with the success, proceeds and reward of it. IF it is your choice to give it to him for the love of your family so be it but, at the very least MAKE him aware that should be YOUR choice! YOU also have a VOICE! USE IT! (Sorry…power trips piss me off!)

…in response to another post:

I do not disagree if they BOTH agreed on something for the better of their family that it is as it is. Nor do I disagree that culture and traditions play a part and that they are DIFFERENT than my own. HOWEVER, I hear a lot of Africans believing in religion and God and then completely disregarding rules that have been stated in the BIBLE itself. YES, absolutely the man is meant to be head of his family, BUT he is also meant to treat his WIFE as he would treat himself…these words speak EQUALITY to me…RESPECT, CHERISH, LOVE, HONOUR…NONE of these mean LORD, MASTER, TAKE, OWN etc. I have BEEN disregarded and disrespected myself. I have been used, abused, controlled. I take bills and debts seriously because I am RESPONSIBLE and I was married to someone who was NOT. A man is not a man if he thinks being married gives him permission to put a lock and chain on his woman’s mouth, body, mind, heart, soul…IN ANY WAY. Unfortunately there are still many boys in this world who haven’t figured it out yet! I really don’t know if this story is about one or not…I can only answer based on the impression the question gives me and my own life experience. I don’t want to step on toes, start fights or harm anyone else in any way. I simply want to express my own opinion and sometimes one woman needs another one to speak her mind and heart and maybe open her eyes to something she didn’t see before…or just give her a boost of courage to speak what has already been in her heart. I cannot control anyone else and I want to hear everyone else speak as well. Certain subjects and questions just set me on fire…sorry if I offend anyone it’s not my intention.

…Ok but nobody said if she had access to his accounts as well…my impression from the question is that she is being a wife feeling trapped into doing her duty to her husband and family because HE is the man and HE decided it was so even tho it is NOT fair to her at all. Maybe I’m wrong…but I agreed with David…if she’s complaining to her sister even in a small way then there is probably MORE she is NOT saying because she believes she has to follow his rule. THAT’S not a marriage its a dictatorship…and it upsets me sometimes when I see it because I have been there and done that and am still scarred and damaged in ways because of it. SHE should have the results of her own hard work, talents and abilities…her own voice, her own choice…what wife and mother isn’t going to choose on the side of her family? It honestly sounded to me like he’s taking her money because he couldn’t handle that she was either getting more successful or equally successful and he takes her money to keep her down…did he really need it? Was his business in trouble? Or did he just hate the idea that his wife could be more talented or capable or business savvy? Men do it all the time because women let them…I think she should be aware that she does have a choice! Or just that she should have one! Sometimes women don’t know that they can be strong and equal and that it is their duty to remind their man about equality and fairness NOT just follow his every whim JUST because he is MAN. God did NOT create us to be a floor mat, punching bag or stepping stone…he created us to STAND WITH our man and be the support, encouragement, sometimes wall he stands against, and committed life partner that he NEEDS to be a better man than he is by himself. What’s a man want a wife for if he isn’t going to honour and cherish her for being the woman who loves him and stands WITH him against the world? GRRRRRRRR

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