Breaking Question of the Day~10/25/2011

My best friend and this guy have been dating for a while…all has been fine until recently when he did not call for close to a month…as much as she tried to get through to him she couldn’t…a few days after one month, he called to tell her that something he could not tell her came up and he had to go and pray on the mountain top…but under pressure he told her that it has to do with his ex trying to stage a come back and both families are now involved in the talks…she is devastated because she loves him…confused because she knows not what to do…another thing is they live hundreds of miles away from each other…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…What do I tell her as I am so worried??? Worried friend

(Q from: 10/25/2011)

MY response:

You can tell her what you believe is the truth or you can tell her whatever she wants to hear until she’s ready for the truth herself. Being someone’s best friend frequently means BOTH things. You have to know whether it is time for the truth or time to just let her be because we ALL have a journey and surviving these kinds of things are often a part of them. There will be hurt and disappointment in life and sometimes the person who makes all the difference is the one who stands with you through it, listens to it, commiserates with you, and sometimes even has the strength and is unafraid to tell you the truth of it…your BEST friend. There are times when they don’t want to hear. Do you know what drives me crazy about some of my friends? They think they can tell me anything…good or bad…no matter how I feel about it because its the truth as THEY see it but, if I tell them truth as I see it…we’ll fight because they don’t want to know! Perhaps its because I am sometimes insightful and see deeper truths than they are aware of or want to know…or I draw their attention to something they really wish to stay delusional about…I don’t know why but, its always seemed unfair to me….but, I think the thing is that you learn the ground of your friend by sharing things with them and before too long you will KNOW how much is ok to say and how far is too far to go. Its unhealthy for her to cling to him if he’s GONE. But, it will be a grieving process for her as well so its important that you just let her go through it and be patient about it. Sometimes we don’t tell a friend the truth because we’re afraid of their reaction or that because they WANT to deny it they won’t hear it from us but, when you really love them you have to face the fear and TELL them.
It is better for them and YOU in the long run.
I think that what previous responses have stated is true. He’s gone, he’s back with his ex and he’s not really concerned at the moment with where or even if she fits in his life. You can carry through with the implications of all that or not but, she SHOULD move on. Nobody wants to be attached and in love with someone who is attached to someone else but, if they(he and his ex) CAN work it out they should…especially if there were children involved with it. So she may not be happy about it but, she’ll have to stand aside and let it be.
YOU will just have to be strong and brave the pain WITH her.

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