I have a boyfriend whom I love so much…he claims he loves me too but he has other girlfriends…in the past few months I noticed he has stopped seeing the other girls except one…the problem is, he attends the same university and even live together…he claims he cannot leave her because she pays 80% of his school fees that as soon as he is through with school, he is through with her…each time he comes home, he invites me over which ends up with love making…I love him but I feel he is using me as a sex toy…BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…What do I do? Worried lady
(Q from: 09/23/2011)
First of all if YOU feel that he is using you then its probably TRUE…this is WHY we have feelings and instincts…TRUST your OWN! Second, if you know that WHY do you put up with it? It is one thing for a guy to be dating a few different girls cause he’s trying to find the right one and something else entirely when he’s sleeping with ALL of them cause he just wants to get as much as he can from wherever he can! WE call HIM a player! Third, HE doesn’t LOVE any of you because if he did he wouldn’t disrespect all of you by sleeping with ALL of you…don’t even get me started on THAT! By respecting yourself you do NOT give that away to any guy who comes by and pays some attention to you…you make him WAIT till you are ready, till you trust the words he says to you ARE actually the truth, till you KNOW that you are a PAIR and he HAS chosen YOU…otherwise hell just think you’re easy and he’ll play with you. ……YOU have to be STRONG enough to say NO even if you do love him and want him and want to be swept away by the emotion and idea of “love” because no matter how much you delude yourself a BOY doesn’t respect a woman he thinks is easy but he WILL use her…why not? She’s made herself available and she believes everything I tell her! Unfortunately boys are built such that they often follow the little head and don’t think with the smart one! It doesn’t mean they CAN’T or that they intentionally set out to hurt you…not all of them anyway…it just means YOU have to be aware how they are and choose to put yourself FIRST and WAIT to know if they do care more about you than just for a fling simply because they saw, reacted and followed without thinking first…maybe they can’t help the urges cause of how they are made but ABSOLUTELY they can choose to respect you, your space and your choice! But YOU must respect yourself FIRST!! It is easy to believe them…they can get so smooth with their words and stories and LIES…because you LOVE him you think giving in will work for you and in the end he will realize that you are the one for him. It won’t work that way. Somewhere inside you, you KNOW that. Love yourself enough to cut him loose. You deserve better and settling for this is much less than you could have…BELIEVE that you are lovable and desirable and DESERVE a man who knows that too! NOT for a toy to play with but a partner to share everything in life…to the exclusion of all others…JUST YOU! I myself don’t and never will understand dating multiple partners(at the same time I mean)…I can’t do that…never could…and I couldn’t handle anybody else that did either…my heart just gets too deeply attached too fast to one…except when you love someone its amazing the amount of crap yóu will wade through while you wait for them to choose you. Its harmful to your heart, mind and soul. Because we are not all the same there’s always gonna be somebody somewhere who is equal to you and you don’t have to compromise yourself to try and fit with someone who isn’t… Just have faith in yourself and that love will come and it will!
This is just what I BELIEVE but I don’t think LOVE includes YOU, ME and six or seven other girls. I think if you love ME…you choose ME! Maybe you need some time to decide and hey that’s ok…take it…but if you take too long I’m not waiting…and if you think I’m gonna take you while you’re “playin” with everyone else all the time you’re deciding…be SURE…I’m gonna walk! I deserve better! I DESERVE a man that can stand toe to toe with me and BE equal with me in everything including the LOVE! To each of you…your own choice…your life is yours…your choice is yours…the way you love is yours…what you believe is yours…all of it…were all learning so just follow your heart even if it leads to hurt you will learn SOMETHING!