Breaking Question of the Day~10/14/2011

He has been trying to date her for years…she won’t give him a chance because she is dating someone else…he was so persistent to the point if annoyance…she picked up fights with him, reported him to his and her parents and even went on to publicly insult him…he won’t backoff…even his own friends refused to be on his side…now, she is pregnant and the guy she claims to love won’t take responsibility….infact, he dumped her…he still loves and want her… she is now listening to him…his friends call him a fool but he is less bothered about that and more about what to do with the pregnancy….BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…What do you advise him to do in this situation???

Is he loving or obsessive?

I think we all know that sometimes we love someone with our whole heart that does NOT love us back…EVER…but, that even though we move on and forward, let go, meet someone new, risk loving again, fall in love again, start fresh and new, heal from the hurt and still manage to build a life and love and enjoy the blessings we find….that somewhere deep inside is a LOVE that didn’t end when we did all those things…it just changed, or was buried, or was set aside because it had to be or whatever. LOVE is not a water tap, it cannot be turned on and off at will. Therefore, if we love someone and it is not returned to us we find our own way to cope and live on anyway. Except it is still there…buried deep in our heart of hearts.

SOME people do NOT care what anyone else says, or that they are not loved back. Are they foolish? Or are they more aware of the unconditional, free gift that LOVE really is after all? Without all the expectations and conditions that we ALL place on each other in our relationships.

I think it CAN be foolish to love without a hope of it being returned to you (and I have done it myself MANY, MANY times) but, I also think it is incredibly brave. Really, is love supposed to be practical and reasonable and precise like a business merger? Hell no, it’s something terrifying, exciting, uncertain, vulnerable, courageous, wonderful and makes you feel more alive than anything else in life!

I think LOVE is EVERYTHING and if you want it you HAVE to risk looking foolish, sometimes even BEING foolish in everyone else’s eyes and maybe even your own. If you don’t try, or take the risk you will only end up with nothing and regrets as well. On the other hand, WHAT IF???

IF he loves her and insists he will always and steadily follow that course to the very end of it he should be left to endure, or learn whatever he is meant to, or maybe to teach HER just what love really is. NONE of that is really any of our business or our decision or choice to make. We can think what we think, agree or disagree, say our own piece of advice in it but, in the end whatever the reason and purpose for the story it will come out the way it should and each of them will take whatever they need to from the experience.

Maybe she is only listening because she is terrified and lost and doesn’t have any clue what to do next. OR maybe she sees him in a different light now having experienced some parts of a relationship with the guy she THOUGHT was a good one…I’m sure it is an eye opener that the man you love and think is everything you ever wanted isn’t all you thought he was. (BOYS run away from their responsibilities, MEN stand up and be responsible for them!) Maybe it is a new idea in her head and understanding that the one she didn’t want could actually  be an even bigger man and stand up for her and a kid that isn’t even his own! (I have one of those…not ONE but, TWO kids and TRUST ME a woman who comes with 2 kids is a BIG package deal RESPONSIBILITY that MANY, MANY BOYS will only RUN from-fast and furious! But, MY man IS a MAN and YES he was scared to death to do it but, he CHOSE all of us and has been a good husband and father figure for 15 years!)

Here is my advice to him:

It is OK to be afraid of the responsibility. It is OK to be unsure about whether or not taking responsibility for her and her baby will turn out ok for you in the end. You can’t know tomorrow…you can only deal with today. It is OK that you love her and are willing to take such a HUMONGOUS leap of faith…it is MORE than OK…YOU are so brave! It is OK to acknowledge ALL of the feelings and fears and worries you MUST be feeling. Don’t bury them or try to stifle them…just face them and then DO IT ANYWAY!

A baby is a precious gift and an innocent…NO MATTER WHAT WAY IT COMES INTO BEING. IF she carries him/her full term and actually gives birth to a living breathing miracle he/she should be TREASURED, CHERISHED, LOVED, ADORED etc. It doesn’t matter if you are biologically his/her father. Fathers are MUCH more than sperm donors. FATHERS are just as loving, generous, nurturing etc. as mothers and just as important because they bring all the masculine, testosterone aspects to the room! LOL (I don’t need to explain to the boys what that means do I?) They also teach their daughters just WHAT KIND OF MAN IS A GOOD MAN (and what kind she’ll want to marry) and they teach their sons how to BE THAT GOOD MAN. These are beautiful things that you can CHOOSE to give to a child that may not have them otherwise. The absence of fathers makes a big mess…over a LONG period of time.

MAYBE…this is the beginning of the whole journey you have been waiting for. IF you turn back now how will you ever know? MAYBE it will show her what you’ve been trying to tell her all this time.

SADLY, there is also the possibility that she just will never love you no matter what you do or accept you as a part of her life or her child’s.

MAYBE that is also the answer you’ve been waiting for. You could let go and move on and know that you did try and it just wasn’t meant to be.

Either way, you can only decide for YOU what you can or cannot accept, what your heart can or cannot stand, what you can or cannot DO in response to the equation.

Then let me leave you with this…you’ve believed in your love for her all this time, add one more (baby) and TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH!


Actually…so can babies! 😉 Good luck with it!

(About babies there are other options but, I cannot advise FOR them because I BELIEVE everything happens for a reason…so follow it through.)

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