He says he loves me so much but i am not ready to give in to sex…he agrees with me but is finding it difficult to cope…one day he asked me if it is ok to sleep with other girls as he does not want to be unfaithful and cheat on me behind my back….BREAKING QUESTION OF THE DAY…What should i tell him as i love him too???
Following are two poems I wrote when I was 17. Read them please and tell me what you think the words are saying? I KNOW and see now what I didn’t see then because hindsight is 20/20. A BOY who pushes you towards sex when you are NOT ready is NOT loving you. He is in the midst of lust or urges and he is being led around the world by the “little head”! Believe me, a boy who really does love you can WAIT…AND he can respect you and love you even more for loving and respecting yourself!
A boy who can’t or won’t wait is NOT the boy you want to keep because what he is telling you is that his urges mean more to him than his heart or yours. In effect that he is selfish. You know, none of us are perfect. We all have flaws so this can be forgiven, but, trust me…if you are NOT ready and you don’t want to…DON’T…even if you do lose him as a result.
Read the poems and then I’ll tell you why:
THE EYES OF AN ANGEL
Tears falling from an angel’s eyes
Because of the pain.
She is afraid to say no
Because she doesn’t want to lose you.
She can’t not say yes
Because she needs you
She is confused and alone
She loves you
She needs time
Don’t push her, she’s yours.
But not at any price.
Her heart is pure and at the moment heavy.
She wants not to tease…
But to love
Only fear refuses to allow the final step.
LOSING MYSELF IN YOU
These tears in your eyes,
Are you sorry to hurt me?
I’m sorry I made you cry.
I want you
But I’m afraid.
I’ll lose myself in you
And all that I am or
All that I could be…
Will become just another part of you.
I know now how I make you feel
I’m not a tease intentionally
But I want you to know
It takes time, don’t rush me
Don’t push me
Just love me and whatever
Will be, will be
But only because I love you.
He didn’t give me any time.
The problem with getting involved with a selfish boy who only cares about his own needs and getting what he wants is that HE WILL NOT CARE TO YOUR NEEDS.
The first time…I regret.
Every woman wants a man she loves to love her and make the first time the best time, a special time and everything that it can be. If you rush into it this won’t be possible.
If he doesn’t care about what you feel or want or need then it won’t be good.
IF there is no generosity, patience, sweetness, thoughtfulness and most importantly LOVE involved in it you WILL end up hurt…probably in more ways than just one.
IF he is asking you to give him permission to sleep with other girls so that he can satisfy his urges then haven’t I proven my point? HMMMM…and another one…just because we are not led by a little head doesn’t mean we don’t want TOO so isn’t he being extra selfish to ask to satisfy his needs but you have to suffer without? Shouldn’t you BOTH have to suffer in the same equality if you are a couple? That only seems fair to me. OR if he’s allowed to sleep around you should be too…but, that quite defeats your whole purpose doesn’t it?
Simply HE’S not good enough for you if he can’t hold to you alone. There are plenty who can.
However, whether he is or not it is more important that you know what you are worth!
Those poems aren’t the kind that I wish to share. They are written from my pain and confusion and most of the time only meant to clarify to myself how I am feeling or thinking.
Occasionally when I look back at them later I see things in myself that I couldn’t see at the time.
I could not say it out loud but, I could write a poem and I could see sort of what I meant sometimes and then later I could see what it meant MUCH more clearly.
What I read in those poems NOW is what I felt then…PRESSURE.
AND I gave in to it.
I won’t even bore you with the line of my life after that fact but, just say that in all choices in all things you must trust YOURSELF. You must listen to your own heart, mind, soul, feelings and you must ONLY follow those. NEVER give in to pressure because it hurts you in the end.
(It is somewhat difficult to know I have placed this most vulnerable piece of myself on display for all to read but I have done it because I HOPE that you read it, HEAR it, and understand. AND THEN, I hope you will stick to your guns! Stand tall, be a queen who chooses to love and respect and honour her own self FIRST.)
I wish you well. (and if you truly love this boy I HOPE he starts thinking with his heart and SHOWS you his LOVE!)